Articles Written By: Ilana

Aging Sucks! Or Does It?

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My granny Gertrude was not afraid of death, in fact, the more she learned about the sciences, the more at peace she became with her own eventual demise.

It’s true, especially if you go up the street to one of the supermarkets located near one of our senior retirement communities and you can’t help but notice the frowning, bitter looking elderly people who  seem to bark out orders at the sales associates or anyone else crossing their path. They have no qualms about ordering people around or making the most ridiculous demands as though their age, or time on earth, has earned them the right to forget about simple rules of conduct in society. Manners don’t apply to them anymore and becoming self-absorbed defines them completely. Sadly, negative behavior always seems to draw our attention, and it’s what we remember most times, but it would be a lie to say that we have not noticed the same segment of society, namely the elderly, who actually smile—too much. Read More

When the Neighbor’s Dog Shits on Your Property but You Get Fined for it Anyway.

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HOA imposed suburban monotony—should we let their rules define us as a society?

This is a good one, in fact excellent; it has all the makings of a real live television soap opera, minus the sex: there’s toxic material, angry accusations, opposition, denial, rejection, and battery. We’ve all had issues with our HOAs, it’s a fact, but the question that I’d like you to bear in mind as you read about my recent interactions with Terra West, is whether petty rules and regulations that we’re forced to adherer to by HOAs have come to define us as a society? Not the usual type of material that I choose to write about on this blog, but I think that it’s a subject matter that many of you will empathize with and also agree that it can easily cause a wrinkle or two. Read More

The Extra Nipple

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The extra nipple

Recently, I noticed a dark spot on my chest; I didn’t like the way it looked so I showed it to my husband for further inspection. He looked and touched, then gave me his educated guess that in his opinion it was nothing more than an extra nipple that I had suddenly developed on my chest. Joking aside, I decided to make an appointment with a dermatologist for further investigation, and this is how my decline into the dark foray of age-delaying treatment began all over again. Read More

Rinse Your Mouth with Pee for a Whiter Smile!

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From that wild period of time in the desert. My teeth look white and not because of urine, it’s rather all to do with polishing my teeth with coconut oil.

Who knew that once upon a time urine had such immense value that the Romans actually traded in urine! In last month’s Smithsonian news an article about the uses of urine was indeed an interesting eye opener. Of course, over the years I heard about the medicinal qualities of urine; I recall reading the novel Freedom at Midnight, where there was mention of Gandhi’s use of urine, and I also witnessed a friend of mine rubbing urine on a cut. She swore that it was a cure-all for things of that nature. Had I remembered basic chemistry, I would’ve taken her seriously, but there were other extraneous circumstances that sort of pushed that piece of information to the wayside. Read More

The Compromise

The Compromise,” is part 2 of my series titled The Male Perspective,  a monologue that I wrote long ago about the complex relationship between a guy and his girlfriend. Usually, we hear this type of subject matter from a female perspective, so I thought why not look at things from the male perspective for a change. What makes this monologue fun is that it’s written by me, so inadvertently it’s about how I perceive men in relationships. It’s split into small little chapters only a page long, usually, which makes for a quick, fun read. How does this connect with The Diary of a Wrinkle? Well, it still involves women’s issues that we can easily relate to. Read More

The Male Perspective

Here’s one episode from a monologue that I wrote long ago titled The Male Perspective. It was one show out of many that I had created for Playfilm.net, my online production company together with my cinematographer friend Scott. It was probably one of the few online webseries pre-YouTube. The formatting would not transfer onto this page properly, so excuse the mess. This show was about the complex relationship between Greg and his girlfriend, but from a male perspective as the title so aptly suggests. What makes this monologue fun is that it’s written by me, so inadvertently it’s about how I perceive men in relationships. It’s split into short rant-type monologues, which makes for a quick, fun read. How does this connect with The Diary of a Wrinkle? Well, it still involves women’s issues that we can easily relate to. Read More

Hollywood Glamour Gone Sour

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Old Hollywood Blvd (photo credit, LA Public Library).

For those of us who know the truth—that Hollywood-type glamour only exists in the movies, the classics that is—the idea of glamorous Hollywood Boulevard still resonates in our minds because of our penchant for romanticizing about the past. Even so, a couple of weeks ago I decided to give Hollywood Boulevard yet another chance; it had been about eight years since the last time I visited there, and the memory of my disillusionment and disappointment when I realized that Hollywood Boulevard was nothing but an overrated, and overcrowded dump, had become a distant memory—enough for me to go there one more time. Read More

Pity or Piety Among the ultra-Orthodox in Israel

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Maya and Ilana at the Western Wall, Israel.

What does a blog about wrinkles have to do with the ultra-Orthodox in Israel? Well, it’s about women’s civil rights for a start, in a modern, democratic country. Also, it’s the type of subject matter that would make you cringe and wrinkle in an instant. I am also aware that writing about this will inevitably create some sort of controversy among those who disagree with my observations. However, I could not help but feel disappointment with the Israeli justice system when I read the news last week about a group of 10 women who were detained by Israeli police after praying at the Western Wall while wearing a prayer shawl across their shoulders. I’m not an expert in all matters religious, but I am somewhat knowledgeable in the field and anyone secular living in Israel is aware of ultra-Orthodox piety taking over mainstream Israeli life. Read More

A Cookbook for the Woman Who Hates Cooking

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My sister posing for our book cover.

Not so recently, it’s been months and months and probably well over a year now, that my sister and I had embarked on this cookbook project together, and something that we both thought of as a great idea at first, and probably an easy one at best, had become one difficult project indeed. Probably the most difficult project that I had encountered for sure; even more difficult than Law School. And as for my sister, well, you have to read the book to understand what she had to go through. Some of my critics despise the idea that I have tailored this book for the “Woman Who Hates Cooking,” when there are plenty of men who share the same sentiment, and yet nobody really complains about their inability to perform in the kitchen. My intentions were never to alienate anyone when writing this book, I realize that just as many men hate to cook, and plenty of men share the burden of daily cooking for their families. I know all of this. But it’s a fact that most women are expected to cook for their  family, even when both men and women are equally busy with careers, and raising  a family;  it just so happens that it’s the woman who takes the reins most times. My sister is a prime example of this; she hates cooking, works just as hard as her husband, and yet still finds herself having to prepare practically every meal in the house. My husband  is no different, although he may divorce me after reading this—but I can be as sick as a dog—and when it comes to dinner time, he will still ask what’s for dinner? Read More

Stinky pits

 

Jack’s safe place, tucked right under Greg’s armpit (photo credit, Levinsky)

 

Apparently, the arms are the least attractive part of the female body! Funny, but I don’t feel this way at all, but it’s a fact according to Desmond Morris in his book The Naked Woman — A Study of the Female Body. The safest place to touch a woman, in a non-sexual way, is on her arm. If we were to think of the arms in evolutionary terms, then perhaps this makes a little bit more sense because the arms used to be our front legs. When man began to straighten up, those front legs transformed into very important tools to help us grip, climb, throw etc. Typically, the female arm is much more delicate than the male arm and although the following statement will annoy some of you, statistics teach us that most men are more attracted to slender arms rather than large, developed muscles that we see when female bodybuilders flex their muscles. Those types of builds remind them of the male body rather while they are programmed to seek out females that will help carry on their genes–this is a scientific fact that transcends all cultures and borders. Therefore women who are feminine looking with an hourglass figure will gain the most attention, but in terms of weight this standard of beauty differs from culture to culture depending on the availability of food– the more scarce the food, men tend to go for women who are heavier. Here in the West, some men don’t even like toned female arms even though that look conveys a healthy candidate, good nutrition and exercise. The male’s longer and stronger forearm is a testament to their evolutionary purpose, to be the aimer and thrower, reminds us Morris. Who knew, but even the angle of the female elbow is different from the male’s whose wider shoulders keep the arms dangling away from the body as opposed to the female design, and this is another one of those important gender signals. Read More

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