The Ugly Man

I was intrigued by an article written by Iain Aitch, for the Mail Online (I won’t apologize for not discriminating when it comes to my sources) about Stan Cattermole—a self-proclaimed ugly man. I logged onto his site betedejour.blogspot.com, and found his posts so dismal and somber, but a candid and fascinating account of one man’s experience in the very one-dimensional, unkind world of dating. Apparently, Stan has suffered from this affliction his entire life and, sadly, he’s always been rejected and made fun of, because of his looks. The genesis of his blog had to do with his own impression of himself, Stan believed that he was indeed too ugly to be loved—wow—and as a result of this he started to write about his embittered experiences on his blog. How ironic that his blog became popular right away as a result of his candid confessions. He goes into great detail to describe his encounters with women, and apparently there are many men and women out there who can identify with him.

His general experience has taught him that it really makes no difference how humorous, witty or intelligent he is during the first-impression-stage, because the women just walk out on him. However, since writing his blog, for the first time in his adult life, people became interested in what he had to say, regardless of what he looks like. As a side, this too brings into question the idea of attractiveness and fame, and how the two become entwined when an “ugly” person also happens to be famous; suddenly, the normal, day-to-day rules don’t apply and they’re deemed beautiful and sought after no matter what. Miraculously, the eye see beyond the physicality of the individual when we’re dealing with a famous person.

Isn’t beauty a matter of taste and completely subjective anyway? What’s ugly to one, may be beautiful to another—sort of thing. Of course there are certain beauty standards manufactured by the media and fashion world that most of society adheres to, and there are also specific  features that are deemed beautiful in different cultures. How many people would say that Marilyn Monroe was ugly? During my years as a single woman, I vividly recall how my girlfriends would describe their new love interest as drop-dead gorgeous, and when meeting them for the first time I had a hard time identifying anything that I remotely considered attractive. I know for a fact that I shocked my friends a few times with my choices too.  I don’t recall looking for certain features or perfect bone structure when thinking about the man of my dreams—it never really mattered to me personally. To prove my point, my friend Alan who had his share of challenges with women in the past, once told me that I was the reason that he was still hopeful that a woman would fall in love with him one day. And all this because I never adhered to a certain type of man.

He has now been in a serious relationship with a woman he met online. I’m almost certain that they will marry. I’m certain that for most of the population out there it’s a combination of factors that help them determine someone’s appeal, and I don’t even have to list those for fear of sounding contrived. As a perpetual optimist and a true believer that there’s someone out there for every one of us, I’m almost confident that Mr. Cattemole will also meet the woman of his dreams one of these days. Hopefully this woman will look past his online fame in the ever-changing pop culture, fad-driven new world of ours, and see him for who he really is, a beautiful human being.

Bete De Jour: The Intimate Adventures of an Ugly Man

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