A Huge Buttocks on My Shoulders

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The bare shoulder, transmitting primeval sexual signals.

Once again I have turned to my favorite author, Desmond Morris, and his thoughts on the female body as described in his book titled, The naked woman. Why do we have shoulders in the first place? What’s been their purpose throughout our evolution? One thing’s for sure, shoulders were not meant to function in a sexual way; originally their function was as a foundation for our arms, but when our ancestors began to walk straight the shoulders became a lot more flexible, allowing us to rotate from side to side, shrug them, shake them, lift them up and down—all of which have significance in our daily communication with one another. However, the female shoulders have traditionally been much smaller and narrower than the male’s shoulders; females for the most part have always been able to rest their head on their partner’s shoulder for love, protection and reassurance. And as we have already learned from prior articles about the female body, anything that depicts childlike features—either looking gentle or sweet—enhances femininity, and is deemed attractive by our male counterparts. As such, the female shoulders are smooth and rounded, thus transmitting primeval sexual signals. Morris says that the shoulders’ curved corners could be described as “hemispherical patches of flesh . . . erotic pearls on each side of the body, much like the buttocks.” Supposedly men react to the shoulders in the same way they react to a naked buttocks or a pair of breasts. Even knees are included in this category of sexy body parts, and wait, if a woman bends her knees toward her chest and embraces them tightly with her arms—whoa, a man might as well go for a cold shower. I wonder whether knocked knees would have the same effect on men, but then again once bending them into the chest in a fetal position, they might still trigger the same reaction anyway.

Remember those old high school photos, when you were trying to look cute by relaxing the chin to one side as it leaned against your raised shoulder? The truth is that whether conscious of it or not, you were actually trying to bring attention to your shoulder—to its roundness and smoothness. This could only work for women; I don’t suppose for an instance that a man posing in the same way, leaning his chin seductively over his hairy shoulder, could be translated into a serious lascivious gesture toward a woman, or could possibly generate a lustful response from any woman. However, fetishes do exist, so perhaps there are some who would go for it, who knows.

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Female body builders in Venice Beach, California.

Centuries ago, my shoulders would have been considered vulgar and unfeminine because I have pretty wide shoulders for a woman. In the seventeen-hundreds very small and narrow shoulders were considered the epitome of femininity and beauty;
portraits of women normally displayed tiny shoulders; they would have to press their shoulder blades as far back as possible to achieve this look, but as with all other fashions, this too changed. In the nineteen-hundreds women who wore the puffed shoulder wanted to assert themselves. They were the women who earned university degrees, participated in sports and work that was once prohibited from them. Ironically, underneath their masculine exterior they still had to wear corsets and girdles. The big shoulders reappeared again during the 1940s—this time fashion differed, it was more of a broad and square shoulder look. When writing my novel East End Dreams, I recall learning about the fashions during both World Wars and how war brought on a measure of emancipation for many women; they had to replace the men in the workforce, occupying jobs that were never available to them before and, naturally, their dress had also changed. After World War l broke out, women deserted their Victorian look, and adopted more comfortable clothing; they also wore pants. The same occurred during World War ll.  Imagine female body builders in those years—inconceivable—but in modern days these women became a symbol of female strength. Eh, what can I say, I don’t agree with Morris on this point, and I do not want to alienate anyone with my opinions either but, I’m not sure that I necessarily see female body builders as representing female strength. When I look at female body builders, I don’t understand why they choose to look like men. I enjoy the fact that my body differs from a man’s physique, and yet I still feel that I’m their equal regardless of the shape of my body.

During the 1980s, fashions had changed once again, and this time the social statement was all about female power dressing. There were more females in the corporate world, thus more suits, big shoulder pads—the bigger the better. These days if you’re not a rebellious teen, then there is not much in the way of dressing to express a social statement of some sort—anything goes. Women with wide shoulders are deemed just as sexy as those with narrow shoulders; times have become more accepting of certain aspects of the female body, but not accepting enough.

So what do our shoulder gestures really mean? If you’re displaying a calm mood then your shoulders would normally be held down and back; if you’re feeling alarmed or angry then your shoulders will rotate up and forward. Square, lowered shoulders are for a woman with a cheerful disposition, and those who hunch do so as an act of self defense. A lifetime of disappointment and tragedy will result in a hunched older woman; an exceptionally optimistic, lighthearted woman, will preserve her straight posture. When we laugh our shoulders go up and down—surprisingly out of fear—since the basis for humor is fear after all, so this is another primeval element that has stuck to us, an exaggerated gesture as a way of dispelling the fear factor.

Reading about the impact that shoulders have had throughout the ages brought to mind an old boyfriend of mine who used to complain about my shoulders being much too wide. I used to shrug off his remarks as sheer nonsense, but only after reading in depth about the female shoulders am I able to reflect on his curious complaints. I was, after all, used to hearing about my small breasts, and how I would benefit from breast implants but in terms of altering my shoulders—I couldn’t get a reduction, even if I was prepared to engage in such extreme body altering measures. I just didn’t understand. So years later I looked at some old photos of this guy, and what do you know, I then realized that he had no shoulders at all—he actually had female shoulders. If I’m to think of his behavior in a primeval context, then he was feeling quite intimidated by my wide shoulders; not liking the fact that my shoulders were wider than his, and much better looking I might add. While some people choose to embrace their partners no matter what, and love them for all their qualities, some choose to concentrate on what they deem as imperfections. The idiot should have felt some sense of contentment that my wide shoulders were transmitting more hemispherical flesh, or in other words a huge buttocks on my shoulders. Then again perhaps he was not a butt man either.

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East End Dreams, The Diary of a Wrinkle and Age Schmage— on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

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